webshite/applications submitted


There is no way we could ever date. Why? Well, I'm in Texas and you're god-knows-where, and I'm married with two adorable little girls. However, I love applications, and I love the idea of a dating application even more. So forgive the waste of bandwidth, but here goes...

>How do you FEEL about food. Why do you eat?

Are you kidding? I *LOVE* food. I eat because it feels so good when I stop.

>What is your biggest flaw?
A lack of discipline, something which I can't bring myself to fix.

>What is your hangup with your mother?
No hangups with mom. Now, dad is a different story, but you didn't ask.

>3 favorite authors
This is in flux. However, I like junk. Scott Turow, John Updike, Margaret Atwood.

>What are the hallmarks of success in life?
To be content. And to not worry. Is that the same thing?

>What is your biggest mental fuck-up?
Ongoing, or mega-event? Ongoing, it's procrastination. Eventwise, I can't think of one that's stuck with me. Except maybe for the time I told a black couple in a jewelry store where I was working that they could, if they wished, buy a diamond as big as a watermelon. I kid you not.

>What is your favorite animal? Describe it.
A beagle. You've seen one before.

>How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her? Jump her? Dump her?
Ooooh, good question. It all depends. Some women I've kissed just a few hours after meeting; others, years. Jump? Again, depends. I've jumped the first night. I've jumped years later. Dumped? Only dumped twice, and it happened *REAL* fast. I know when I've made a mistake.

>How old were you when you first kissed? Had sex? Smoked Pot?
Kissed? 6 years old. Had sex? 18. Smoked pot? Ditto the 18.

>Do you use recreational drugs? What? When? Still?
Not any more. Used to. Tried many things.

>Have you ever been married/lived with someone? Who worked? Who cooked? Who cleaned?
I've been married twice (still am to the 2nd)... We all worked, we all cooked, we all cleaned.

>Do you know how to cook? Do you like to cook? What are the things you cook best?
I like to cook occasionally. I'd rather eat out.

>Have you ever used any of the following: gel, hairspray, mousse, eyeliner, cologne, deoderant, conditioner, zit cream, aftershave
I have *not* used eyeliner and mousse. Everything else has touched my bod. But only briefly.

>What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent? College student? Working stiff?
As an adolescent? Drove 200 miles to see Stones concert without my parents' permission. College kid? Made love on the front lawn of a church and was eaten alive by mosquitos in the process. Working stiff? Let me tell you the story sometime about the musclehead, the photographer, the half-a-joint of sensimilla and the peach brandy.

>If you were a fruit or vegetable, what would you be? If I were, what would I be?
I would be an artichoke. Judge from the picture on your home page, you'd be a gourd.

>If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do?
I don't now. It would depend on how much I had to drink.

>Do you think there is life after death? On other planets?
No and yes.

>Are you psychic?
I wish.

>Are you psycho?
Sometimes, I wish.

>Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to go completely insane?
Uh, yes I do.

>Were you ever in the armed forces?

>Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs?
Not that I remember, but let me check my archives and I'll get back to you.

>What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years?
The personal computer.

>What is the biggest problem all women have?
They worry about biggest problems.

>What is the biggest problem all men have?
They don't care enough.

>What is the biggest problem with our society? (no more than 5 lines)

No sense of humor.

>Do you prefer plants or animals?
Depends. There are times when a rose is much better than a puppy, and vice versa.

>If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy? The second? The last?
I'd buy my mortage. The second: A megahonkingmofo computer. The last: Investments for my kids' college years.

>Who has been the greatest influence in your life?
My lovely wife.

>How do people describe you?
Nice guy. Funny. A computer obsessive. Balding, a bit overweight, greying in the beard.

>How do you describe yourself?
Just another cheesy American trying to get along.

>Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers? Which?
Boodles of computer mags. Consumer Reports.

>What are your favorite shoes?
A pair of Converse sneakers. White, court style.

- D

go back