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* How do you FEEL about food.  Why do you eat?

I love food when it is good, and it often is.  I would say that I eat
because I enjoy it, but sometimes I forget to eat, and then I mainly eat
because otherwise I'd starve.

* What is your biggest flaw?

Geez, there are so many of them.  Where to begin?  I think my favorite flaw
is my right thumb, which is at least a quarter inch longer than my left.  A
bit like Sissy Henkshaw (sp?).

* What is your hangup with your mother?

Every bad thing has to be a fucking tragic Wagnerian opera with her.  I'm
always reluctant to tell her any of my bad news, because her deluge of
sympathy will destroy my attempts to keep things in perspective.  I mean, I
know it's just 'cause she cares, but it's a pain.

* 3 favorite authors

Fyodor Dostoyevsky, William Gibson, Dr. Seuss.

* What are the hallmarks of success in life?

Having a few very good friends and a few bitter enemies.

* What is your biggest mental fuck-up?

Sometimes having the attention span of a gnat.

* What is your favorite animal?  Describe it.

I don't have one favorite animal, but when I was three years old, I wanted
to be a kangaroo.  I was so crestfallen when someone informed me it wasn't
an option.  Then I wanted to be a bank robber.

* How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her?  Jump her?  Dump

It's usually at least a day or so before I kiss her.  I don't believe I
have ever jumped anyone.  As for dumping her, it usually takes about a week
for me to discover I've sorely misjudged her character.  If that doesn't
happen, I usually end up the dumpee, because how can you dump someone
really good?

* How old were you when you first kissed?  Had sex?  Smoked Pot?

I was twelve or thirteen when I first kissed.  Had sex?  I'll let you know
when that happens...  *grimace*   I believe I was sixteen when I first
smoked pot.

* Do you use recreational drugs?  What?  When?  Still?

I don't much enjoy marijuana.  Alcohol, cigarettes, and black coffee, on
the other hand....  I partake of these latter things every couple weeks, a
few times a week, and almost daily, respectively.  Did that make sense?

* Have you ever been married/lived with someone?  Who worked?  Who cooked? 
Who cleaned?

Married?  Lived with someone?  No.

* Do you know how to cook?  Do you like to cook?  What are the things you
cook best?
I cook fairly well, and I love to cook for other people.  If it's a
question of cooking for myself, however, I tend to forget and starve

* Have you ever used any of the following: gel, hairspray, mousse,
eyeliner, cologne, deoderant, conditioner, zit cream, aftershave

Let's see, on stage I've used all of the above except aftershave.  In "Real
Life," I've only used deodorant, conditioner, and zit pads.

* What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent?  College
student?  Working stiff?

As an adolescent, I leapt from the top of a three-story building into a
massive snowdrift at the bottom.  (I sustained only a very slight case of
whiplash.)  I also stole a big Cold-War-era "Restricted Area Warning" sign
off the barbed-wire fence of the local army base while the MPs were on a
different part of their patrol.  As a college student, I don't think I've
done anything truly crazy yet, except maybe hitchhiking on Rt. 91.  As a
working stiff, I got really bored one day, and I started mouthing off to
people on the phone.  "Tell him Barbara Smith called.  My number is
256-8029."  "Okay, Babs.  258-3219."  "No, it's 256-8029."  "Yeah,
whatever."  I also monkeyed around with the layout for one of the nation's
best business schools' registration materials, so that the sample
filled-out form was filled out for P.J. Harvey.  None of them got the joke.

* If you were a fruit or vegetable, what would you be?  If I were, what
would I be?

I would be a pomegranite (sp?).  I don't know you well enough to say about

* If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man
and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do?

I would find out who he was and dig up all the damaging details I could
about him.  Later, when my girlfriend was talking about what a great guy he
was, I would smile and nod and ever so casually let drop one of these
pieces of dirt.  When my girlfriend, irked, asked where I came up with that
bit of nonsense, I'd say "oh, nowhere.  Just certain people warned me,
that's all.  I'm sure it's all unfounded."

* Do you think there is life after death?  On other planets?

If there is life after death, it might as well be on other planets, right?

* Are you psychic?

Well, I used to be, a little.  I had premonitions of things sometimes.  My
friend Jenn Berney and I talked telepathically a couple of times, although
we didn't intend to.  The sad thing is, she doesn't even return my phone
calls anymore.  Sigh.

* Are you psycho?

No, but I play one on TV.

* Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like
to go completely insane?

Some limited understanding.  I know what it's like to be entirely posessed
by one obsessive, driving need.  And hey, you know what they say lies that

* Were you ever in the armed forces?


* Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs?

Once, in a HiSkool drama production.

* What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years?

The answering machine, and I'm not just being ironic here.  I think the
answering machine was the first significant instance of humans letting an
electronic device intercede for them in their personal and professional
relationships.  It paved the way for voicemail, fax machines, email,
pagers, teleconferencing, multiplayer video games, IRC, MUDs, telephone
personals, homepages, telecommuting, everything.  Oh, wait, or was that the
telegraph?  Shit, there goes my clever insight.

* What is the biggest problem all women have?

I don't know.  They all seem different to me.

* What is the biggest problem all men have?

Again, I can't think of any one problem all men have in common.  In fact,
it's hard to think of _anything_ all men have in common except penises.

* What is the biggest problem with our society?  (no more than 5 lines)

Easy Cheese.  Cheeze in a spray can, needs no refrigeration, perfect for
snacking anywhere, anytime!  Some people want Easy Cheese.  Some other
people dislike Easy Cheese, but figure everyone is allowed his/her own
taste.  Other people despise Easy Cheese and its followers and want to
Regulate both.  

* Do you prefer plants or animals?

I prefer animals.

* If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy? 
The second?  The last?

The first thing I would buy would be a car, since I have none at this
moment.  The second thing would be a souped-up new computer since I'm kind
of a geek.  The last thing I would buy would be a candy bar to use up the
last $0.65 after buying all those other things.

* Who has been the greatest influence in your life?

Tie:  Laurie Anderson and former Surgeon General C. Everett Koop.

* How do people describe you?

A really nice guy, a sweet kid, really smart, talented, intelligent, a bit
arrogant at times.  You really ought to meet him.

* How do you describe yourself?

Bitter, insecure, conflicted, repressed, short, scrawny, a geek, a slacker,
a spaceshot.  That's if I'm feeling bitter & cynical.  More often I just
shrug, smile, and say "I dunno."

* Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers?  Which?

MacWorld, Rolling Stone, UtneReader, Wired, MacWeek.

* What are your favorite shoes?

These new Rockport boots.  They're almost perfect, but they still aren't
quite broken in yet.  They're still giving me blisters on my heels.

Ben Breakstone bbreak@mit.edu http://hamp.hampshire.edu/~bjbF94

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