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A: Barney Finkwater

A: bfink@nomad.org

How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat?
A: Food is one of the truly beautiful things in life. If I had my druthers, I'd bath in bowl of twinkies.

What is your biggest flaw?
A: I forget to how to walk sometimes.

3 favorite authors
A: Bert & Ernie.

What are the hallmarks of success in life?
A: Birth. Usually it means that you're alive.

What is your biggest mental fuck-up?
A: You know that walking thing? Well sometimes is leads to problems with running too.

What is your favorite animal?
A: shamu
Describe it.
A: Well, it's a whale. Sorta big, a real killer I hear. Wears a tux a lot.

How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her?
A: Never really kissed.
Jump her?
A: For money or something?
Dump her?
A: Dump what on her?

How old were you when you first kissed?
A: Well, I kiss my mother goodnight. So I guess I was about 2 years old or so.
Had sex
A: Oh, um, well, never.
Smoked Pot?
A: Why would I smoke a pot?

Do you use recreational drugs?
A: No

A: What's a recreational drug?

A: Never, I guess.

A: No

Have you ever been married/lived with someone?
A: Cohabitated

Who worked?
A: I work.
Who cooked?
A: My mother.
Who cleaned?
A: My mother.

Do you know how to cook?
A: No

Do you like to cook?
A: No

What are the things you cook best?
A: Nothing.

Have you ever used any of the following:

What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent?
A: Well, there was this one time that I skipped class to read this religious pampthlet.
as a college student?
A: I've never been a college student
as a working stiff?
A: Why would I be stiff? That's a very strange question.

If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be?
A: I think a tomato
If I were, what would I be?
A: I think you would be a palm tree.

If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man with your girlfriend quite animatedly, what would you do?
A: I think I would tell my mother.

Do you think there is life after death?
A: Yes

On other planets?
A: Yes

Are you psychic?
A: No

Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane?
A: No

A: My mother says that I'm fine.

Were you ever in the armed forces?
A: Yes

Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs?
A: No

What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years?
A: The invention of the computer

What is the biggest problem...

...all women have?
A: I only know my mother, and boy does she have bad gas sometimes.

...all men have?
A: I think sometimes men have bad gas too.

...with our society?
A: I dunno, bad gas maybe?

Which do you prefer:
A: Animals

A: Fish are neat.

If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy?
A: A house for my mother and I

The second?
A: Maybe a boat. No wait, I'd by shamu.

The last?
A: A big big tub for shamu

Who has been the greatest influence in your life?
A: My mother

How do people describe you?
A: a loner

How do you describe yourself?
A: a loner

Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers?
A: Yes

A: sports illustrated, I like the swimsuit issue

What are your favorite shoes?
A: I have a very nice pair of patten leather work shoes that I like very much.

Additional Comments
A: I think that's all.

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