A: Barney Finkwater
How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat?
A: Food is one of the truly beautiful things in life. If I had my druthers, I'd bath in bowl of twinkies.
What is your biggest flaw?
A: I forget to how to walk sometimes.
3 favorite authors
A: Bert & Ernie.
What are the hallmarks of success in life?
A: Birth. Usually it means that you're alive.
What is your biggest mental fuck-up?
A: You know that walking thing? Well sometimes is leads to problems with running too.
What is your favorite animal?
A: Well, it's a whale. Sorta big, a real killer I hear. Wears a tux a lot.
How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her?
A: Never really kissed.
A: For money or something?
A: Dump what on her?
How old were you when you first kissed?
A: Well, I kiss my mother goodnight. So I guess I was about 2 years old or so.
A: Oh, um, well, never.
A: Why would I smoke a pot?
Do you use recreational drugs?
A: What's a recreational drug?
A: Never, I guess.
Have you ever been married/lived with someone?
A: I work.
A: My mother.
A: My mother.
Do you know how to cook?
Do you like to cook?
What are the things you cook best?
Have you ever used any of the following:
What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent?
A: Well, there was this one time that I skipped class to read this religious pampthlet.
as a college student?
A: I've never been a college student
as a working stiff?
A: Why would I be stiff? That's a very strange question.
If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be?
A: I think a tomato
If I were, what would I be?
A: I think you would be a palm tree.
If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man with your girlfriend quite animatedly, what would you do?
A: I think I would tell my mother.
Do you think there is life after death?
On other planets?
Are you psychic?
Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane?
A: My mother says that I'm fine.
Were you ever in the armed forces?
Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs?
What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years?
A: The invention of the computer
What is the biggest problem...
...all women have?
A: I only know my mother, and boy does she have bad gas sometimes.
...all men have?
A: I think sometimes men have bad gas too.
...with our society?
A: I dunno, bad gas maybe?
Which do you prefer:
A: Fish are neat.
If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy?
A: A house for my mother and I
A: Maybe a boat. No wait, I'd by shamu.
A: A big big tub for shamu
Who has been the greatest influence in your life?
A: My mother
How do people describe you?
A: a loner
How do you describe yourself?
A: a loner
Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers?
A: sports illustrated, I like the swimsuit issue
What are your favorite shoes?
A: I have a very nice pair of patten leather work shoes that I like very much.
A: I think that's all.