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A: Lowridah

A: Lowridah (I'm not gonna tell you again)

How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat?
A: It's a major problem. I eat in order not to die. I have discovered that food prevents this.

What is your biggest flaw?
A: My breasts are too big. And I have the attitude of ten men.

3 favorite authors
A: Richard Meltzer, Susan Powters, and Neitzsche

What are the hallmarks of success in life?
A: I'm completely unsuccessful so obviously am not the person to ask.

What is your biggest mental fuck-up?
A: I sometimes pretend to be a poisonous tree frog.

What is your favorite animal?
A: A poisonous tree frog.
Describe it.
A: It's poisonous.

How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her?
A: I don't know them at all.
Jump her?
A: (see above)
Dump her?
A: (see above)

How old were you when you first kissed?
A: Last week. Which means twenty-four.
Had sex
A: Yesterday. Which means twenty-four.
Smoked Pot?
A: I'm smoking now. Which means twenty-four.

Do you use recreational drugs?
A: No

A: I said no. I don't do anything recreationally. I'm fierce.

A: What?

A: Yes

Have you ever been married/lived with someone?
A: Cohabitated

Who worked?
A: Me
Who cooked?
A: Me
Who cleaned?
A: Okay yes me I'm sorry I'm a loser

Do you know how to cook?
A: No

Do you like to cook?
A: Yes

What are the things you cook best?
A: Ukrainian pancakes with creamed spinach

Have you ever used any of the following:

What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent?
A: Ate Entemann's poundcake and listened to the Smiths. I'm sorry.
as a college student?
A: Bought cocaine from a man behind bullet-proof glass in a small bodega on Avenue A and never did it. Then I lost it in my room and still think it might be there. Oh but I moved so I guess it isn't. In my room now. It might be in my old room. Maybe I should check.
as a working stiff?
A: I insisted a forty-five year old orthodontist who propositioned me did not, in fact, exist.

If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be?
A: non-sentient
If I were, what would I be?
A: the same, I assume

If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man with your girlfriend quite animatedly, what would you do?
A: I'd go home, eat Entemann's poundcake and listen to the Smith's. I'm sorry.

Do you think there is life after death?
A: Yes

On other planets?
A: Yes

Are you psychic?
A: No

Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane?
A: Yes

A: I am.

Were you ever in the armed forces?
A: No

Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs?
A: Yes

What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years?
A: My metabolic rate

What is the biggest problem...

...all women have?
A: My metabolic rate

...all men have?
A: My metabolic rate

...with our society?
A: Litter

Which do you prefer:
A: Animals

A: Because they talk to me

If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy?
A: A ticket to the moon. I mean two tickets to the moon.

The second?
A: Okay. THAT would be the other ticket to the moon.

The last?
A: Oh yeah I guess we'd need space suits.

Who has been the greatest influence in your life?
A: The Reverend Horton Heat.

How do people describe you?
A: Insanely perky. And sometimes I have been identified with overalls.

How do you describe yourself?
A: I'm perky and I wear overalls.

Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers?
A: Yes

A: Guns & Ammo

What are your favorite shoes?
A: I don't have feet.

Additional Comments
A: Like this form isn't fucking long enough?

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