webshite/applications submitted

Tue, 4 Jul 1995 12:16:37 -0700

A: Sam Trychin

How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat?
A: How do I FEEL about food? Man, I love that stuff. Healthy, body-friendly food during the week: fruits and vegetables and bagels, and sinful foods on the weekends. French toast with lots of eggs and syrup. Hot thai noodles with shredded chicken and basil. Yum!

What is your biggest flaw?
A: I've got a regulation-size diving board stuck through the middle of my chest.

3 favorite authors

What are the hallmarks of success in life?
A: Being born into shitloads of money. Since I'm not, we'll have to see what plan B is.

What is your biggest mental fuck-up?

What is your favorite animal?
A: Ehh..
Describe it.

How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her?
A: That completely depends.
Jump her?
A: Whoah, there.
Dump her?
A: Getting mean?

How old were you when you first kissed?
A: Hey, we haven't even dated yet. You're getting a little personal.
Had sex
Smoked Pot?
A: Sure.

Do you use recreational drugs?
A: Yes

A: every one in a while, a little doobage. I'm trying to score some shrooms for this summer, but no big plans yet.

A: intermittantly

A: Yes

Have you ever been married/lived with someone?
A: Neither

Who worked?
Who cooked?
Who cleaned?

Do you know how to cook?
A: Yes

Do you like to cook?
A: Yes

What are the things you cook best?
A: Thai coconut and bean-noodle soup, with garlic-fried tofu, snow-peas, broccoli, mushrooms, and mung beans.

Have you ever used any of the following (which?): gel hairspray mousse cologne deoderant conditioner zitcream aftershave
A: zitcream conditioner cologne

What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent?
A: Jumped a ride on a van driven by some Presbyterian ministers to take a church group of kids into Santa Fe, New Mexico. Decided to try to score, so wandered into the center of this park next to where the van was parked. Park turned out to be Santa Fe's epicenter for gigolos and drug dealers. Found a dealer, who made us walk two miles from the center of town to his supply-house. Got completely ripped off: twenty bucks for seven heavily shakey spleefs. Ran back just in time to see the van pulling away. Ran and stopped them, and managed to get on the van. Told them I got stuck in Newberry's buying hankerchiefs. Lckily, that was just what my friend told them. Had the hankerchiefs to show. They said that if the stories didn't corroborate, they were going to leave us in Snta Fe. Tough little ministers. Age: 14.
as a college student?
A: Uh, I've led a pretty homework-bound life since I've been in college. I guess the best post-high school thing I did was to sneak into a resort on top of the salt-spring cliffs at Pamukkale, Turkey, and strip off my clothes and go swimming in the *naturally carbonated* hotsprings left behind by the plutocrats of the late Roman Empire. Thousand year-old flagstones ad fallen doric columns. Ah. Memory of warm satisfaction.
as a working stiff?

If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be?
A: definitely a mango.
If I were, what would I be?
A: You tell me.

If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do?
A: Be privately jealous.

Do you think there is life after death?
A: No

On other planets?
A: Yes

Are you psychic?
A: Yes

Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane?
A: Yes

A: When I was a child, I couldn't metabolize calcium or magnesium correctly. As a result, I suffered from a condition called "hyperaesthesia", which made everyone's voices, and even ambient background noises, sound steeped with fury. My visual cortex lost the ability to process depth information, or else inverted it, so everything I looked at seemed really far away. I order to justify the fact that the objects I was seeing still subtended their normal arcs in my visual field, my brain would tell me that they were simultaneously enormous and very far away. One's sense of size i determined by the amount of perspective distortion you detect on familiar objects. Small things have almost no distortion, while big things do. Have you ever played around in a virtual reality simulator? There's a fun thing you can play with if you have control over the focal length of your virtual camera "eye".... if you increase the distortion, then you feel like fly in a room filled with gargantuan furniture. If you dcrease the distortion, then you feel like Alice caught in a miniature dollhouse. When my hyperaesthesia attacks started, I felt like someone was swinging m sense of perspective from oblique to extreme-distortion, making me feel like my body was swelling and contracting, from the size of a mite to giant caught in toy room. And all the while, the noises of the house were yelling at me. I called it the "Big and Loud." Luckily, it stopped when I hit puberty.

Were you ever in the armed forces?
A: No

Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs?
A: Yes

What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years?
A: Public acknowledgement of the existence of the clitoris.

What is the biggest problem...

...all women have?
A: Getting

...all men have?

...with our society?

Which do you prefer:


If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy?

The second?

The last?

Who has been the greatest influence in your life?

How do people describe you?

How do you describe yourself?

Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers?


What are your favorite shoes?

Additional Comments
A: Well, your application is a bit long. I ran out of steam in the end. Hpe you're interested enough from what I left over. I thought your idea was bold. Made me laugh. Email me!

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