webshite/applications submitted

Fri Dec 1 1:20:44 1995

A: Juanito El Culito

A: Cannot disclose...I'm actually supposed to be working.

How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat?
A: I feel that food is more or less a strategy, I eat to absorb the booze and pills

What is your biggest flaw?
A: I'm terribly cute and not in the least bit vain

3 favorite authors
A: Catherine Dunn, Ken Kesey and Kurt Vonnegut

What are the hallmarks of success in life?
A: Reaching 30 without ulcers

What is your biggest mental fuck-up?
A: I'm way too nice

What is your favorite animal?
A: Doggie
Describe it.
A: Loyal, needy and cute

How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her?
A: As soon as she'll let me
Jump her?
A: Same as above
Dump her?
A: Never!!!

How old were you when you first kissed?
A: 15
Had sex
A: 18
Smoked Pot?
A: 15

Do you use recreational drugs?
A: Yes

A: Da' chronic and lesser herbs

A: Alla' time I be tokin'

A: Yes

Have you ever been married/lived with someone?
A: Cohabitated

Who worked?
A: Both
Who cooked?
A: Me
Who cleaned?
A: Mostly me

Do you know how to cook?
A: Yes

Do you like to cook?
A: Yes

What are the things you cook best?
A: Spicy dishes

Have you ever used any of the following (which?): gel hairspray mousse cologne deoderant conditioner zitcream aftershave
A: cologne, deodorant, conditioner

What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent?
A: I smashed windows at my school
as a college student?
A: I cheated an entire semester in a class ( I guess that's not very crazy, though)
as a working stiff?
A: I get high at work sometimes ( I know, I'm just a dynamo of bad craziness)

If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be?
A: Rice
If I were, what would I be?
A: Red Beans

If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do?
A: I would be compelled to mind my own business.

Do you think there is life after death?
A: No

On other planets?
A: Yes

Are you psychic?
A: No

Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane?
A: No

A: Them doctors don't know sheeeut!

Were you ever in the armed forces?
A: No

Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs?
A: No

What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years?
A: Modern dentistry

What is the biggest problem...

...all women have?
A: Judge too quickly (but I could be mistaken)

...all men have?
A: That darn testosterone!

...with our society?
A: What more can I say, it's fukt!!!

Which do you prefer:
A: Animals

A: Some base form of communication can occur

If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy?
A: New car (cliche')

The second?
A: New house (cliche', cliche')

The last?
A: I'd set my folks up

Who has been the greatest influence in your life?
A: A lotta' writers

How do people describe you?
A: Stoic

How do you describe yourself?
A: With graphs

Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers?
A: Yes

A: Bass Player, Film Threat, Rolling Stone

What are your favorite shoes?
A: Steel-toed ones

Additional Comments
A: Best wishes and Happy Holidays from Juanito El Culito, yr amigo in Texas.

go back