webshite/applications submitted

Mon Mar 11 13:09:24 1996

A: Jonathan...Nadine's room-mate

A: c/o azazelz@earthlink.net

How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat?
A: manic/depressive. Good question? I need energy to masturbate.

What is your biggest flaw?
A: Narcolepsy

3 favorite authors
A: Rilke, Fante, Beckett and Bierce, but that's four. Get over it.

What are the hallmarks of success in life?
A: Pure and uncut drugs, Hardwood floors, good lighting, and oh yeah, love. Well, o.k... just like Voltaire says, a garden, and good company.

What is your biggest mental fuck-up?
A: I think I'm a turtle

What is your favorite animal?
A: The big fluffy dog, I admit at water-gun point, but in truth he shares the bill with cats as well.
Describe it.
A: Re: gothorama. The big fluffy dog and me have a "special" relationship; I pet him and he gets a woodie.

How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her?
A: I'll steal a kiss as fast as I can.
Jump her?
A: a fortnight.
Dump her?
A: two lifetimes too long.

How old were you when you first kissed?
A: four
Had sex
A: nineteen
Smoked Pot?
A: fourteen... or so, it all seems so long ago.

Do you use recreational drugs?
A: Yes

A: whichever allows me to re-create, preferably a balanced brew of wine and weed

A: whenever

A: Yes

Have you ever been married/lived with someone?
A: Cohabitated

Who worked?
A: Both of us.
Who cooked?
A: Both of us. Or the chef at our favorite restaurant.
Who cleaned?
A: Both of us. Okay... me mostly. I was a busboy in a former life.

Do you know how to cook?
A: Yes

Do you like to cook?
A: Yes

What are the things you cook best?
A: pasta and pizza. Does digit dexerity with a microwave count?

Have you ever used any of the following (which?): gel hairspray mousse cologne deodorant conditioner zitcream aftershave
A: all of the above and then some

What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent?
A: Jumped off bridges, fortunately NOT in Madison County, otherwise I'd prefer to have jumped poorly, been injured, and hopefully shot full of thorazine for the rest of the trip...but I digress.
as a college student?
A: Playing hooky and going wine-tasting instead, then jumping off more bridges, and going to our lakeside parties til the sun came up. And then there's San Fransisco club stories, but that's another story.
as a working stiff?
A: Working a full weekend shift after a night of excess and pretending that stench of alcohol and cigarettes was someone else.

If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be?
A: a kiwi
If I were, what would I be?
A: papaya

If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do?
A: Go introduce myself and bat my eyelashes at him and make him wish he was my baby. Or I may just ignore them and grab another beer, because I TRUST her.

Do you think there is life after death?
A: Yes

On other planets?
A: Yes

Are you psychic?
A: Yes

Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane?
A: Yes

A: Because the voices in my head tell me that I'm o.k. and that as their leader, I am entitled to certain priveledges, which will become apparent when I fill my freezer completely full of the heads of strippers that wouldn't be nice to me. Or is insanity just the absolute truth revealed too quickly?

Were you ever in the armed forces?
A: No

Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs?
A: No

What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years?
A: Those little child-proof caps.

What is the biggest problem...

...all women have?
A: mistrust of men

...all men have?
A: mistrust of women

...with our society?
A: mistrust of big fluffy dogs

Which do you prefer:
A: Animals

A: plants curse at me

If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy?
A: deoderant

The second?
A: cologne

The last?
A: a house in Bali

Who has been the greatest influence in your life?
A: Checkov

How do people describe you?
A: Mildly retarted or too nice for my own good.

How do you describe yourself?
A: The same, but I mean well

Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers?
A: No


What are your favorite shoes?
A: slippers

Additional Comments
A: Thanks for your time... enjoy my litany...

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