webshite/applications submitted

Tue Mar 12 11:34:42 1996

A: Happy Camper Van Beethoven

A: afn04506@afn.org

How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat?
A: It's not important how I feel, but how the food feels about me

What is your biggest flaw?
A: caring too much for rotting vegetables

3 favorite authors
A: Edward Gorey, Sylvia Plath, Sam Walton

What are the hallmarks of success in life?
A: T-1 link, antique billiard table, ale on tap and Bill Gates ATM card

What is your biggest mental fuck-up?
A: forgetting the PIN to Gates' ATM card

What is your favorite animal?
A: battery powered drumming monkey
Describe it.
A: battery powered drumming monkey

How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her?
A: till I am sure she flosses
Jump her?
A: see above
Dump her?
A: when she hides my mouse

How old were you when you first kissed?
A: 15
Had sex
A: 18
Smoked Pot?
A: 15

Do you use recreational drugs?
A: Yes

A: are you now or have you ever been associated to any law enforcement agency?

A: are you offering

A: Yes

Have you ever been married/lived with someone?
A: Cohabitated

Who worked?
A: took turns
Who cooked?
A: i hunted
Who cleaned?
A: she gathered

Do you know how to cook?
A: Yes

Do you like to cook?
A: Yes

What are the things you cook best?
A: General Tsao Chicken, Seafood Jumbalia, instant cereal

Have you ever used any of the following (which?): gel hairspray mousse cologne deodorant conditioner zitcream aftershave
A: gelhairspraymoussecolognedeodorantconditioners are all a scheme to make someone else rich

What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent?
A: floating that VW in the Atlantic Ocean on a dare
as a college student?
A: base jumping in mexico into a crater
as a working stiff?
A: not feeling guilt for filling this application on company time

If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be?
A: tomato
If I were, what would I be?
A: guspacho

If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do?
A: renounce my belief in organized religion and throw fire at them

Do you think there is life after death?
A: Yes

On other planets?
A: Yes

Are you psychic?
A: Yes

Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane?
A: Yes

A: I think I left my lithium on that cessna last week

Were you ever in the armed forces?
A: No

Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs?
A: No

What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years?
A: removing the idea of "sexy big, hairsprayed bangs" from the American media and replacing it with Rosanne

What is the biggest problem...

...all women have?
A: feeling like they are wanting too much, and guilty for wanting more

...all men have?
A: forgetting to lift and lower the toilet seat

...with our society?
A: not realizing the importance of global reality, 'scuse me, is there an off ramp to some other planet?"

Which do you prefer:
A: Plants

A: palnts don't scream when you eat them

If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy?
A: new wiper blades

The second?
A: wiper fluid

The last?
A: a hovercraft to install them on

Who has been the greatest influence in your life?
A: You

How do people describe you?
A: are you for real?

How do you describe yourself?
A: hey, what part of "bu-bye" don't you understand?

Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers?
A: Yes

A: hotwired

What are your favorite shoes?
A: these Docs

Additional Comments
A: Shop smart, shop S-Mart

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