Thu Mar 14 17:49:55 1996
Name:
A: Jimmy
How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat?
A: Wait, this is more than one question.
What is your biggest flaw?
A: I sometimes think about monkeys in a special way.
3 favorite authors
A: Douglas Adams, Henry Miller, Willa Cather
What are the hallmarks of success in life?
A: Are those the cards with nice hand drawings of monkeys and stuff?
What is your biggest mental fuck-up?
A: I'm too hard on myself. Wait, I don't mean that. Shut up, you freak!
What is your favorite animal?
A: Chimpanzee
Describe it.
A: Chimpanzee
How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her?
A: Long enough to know the color of her eyes.
Jump her?
A: Long enough to know the smell of her hair.
Dump her?
A: Long enough to get her in the trunk.
How old were you when you first kissed?
A: 10
Had sex
A: 13
Smoked Pot?
A: 17
Do you use recreational drugs?
A: No
What?
A: *I* didn't say anything.
When?
A: just now, silly.
Still?
A: Yes
Have you ever been married/lived with someone?
A: Married
Who worked?
A: bofus
Who cooked?
A: bofus
Who cleaned?
A: mostly me.
Do you know how to cook?
A: Yes
Do you like to cook?
A: Yes
What are the things you cook best?
A: Spaghetti, chicken, curry stuff
Have you ever used any of the following (which?): gel hairspray mousse cologne deodorant conditioner zitcream aftershave
A: Do you mean in a sexual way?
What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent?
A: I had sex on a bus in Paris at 3 AM. She was Italian. I was grateful. We didn't even pay the fare.
as a college student?
A: I dreamed about having sex on a bus in Paris at 3am.
as a working stiff?
A: I took off all my clothes in a park and played on the swings with my girlfriend. She took my clothes and ran. Scared people and law enforcement were later involved.
If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be?
A: A tomato.
If I were, what would I be?
A: A cucumber.
If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do?
A: Do you mean like cartoon characters, or waving their arms?
Do you think there is life after death?
A: Yes
On other planets?
A: Yes
Are you psychic?
A: No
Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane?
A: Yes
Why?
A: Because everyone is. A little. Maybe a lot.
Were you ever in the armed forces?
A: No
Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs?
A: No
What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years?
A: The extra-large condom. I mean it.
What is the biggest problem...
...all women have?
A: Men.
...all men have?
A: Men.
...with our society?
A: Lack of self-esteem. And the decrease in the number of fully trained Tantric Thundergods.
Which do you prefer:
A: Animals
Why?
A: Did I mention I like Chimpanzees?
If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy?
A: A round trip ticket to everywhere.
The second?
A: Good shoes to walk in.
The last?
A: All the clean underwear I could pack.
Who has been the greatest influence in your life?
A: Now *that's* a good question.
How do people describe you?
A: Funny, melancholy, monklike.
How do you describe yourself?
A: A funny melancholy monkey.
Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers?
A: No
Which?
A:
What are your favorite shoes?
A: doc martens, birkies. I like my feet.
Additional Comments
A: Philosophy is like looking in a dark room for a black hat that isn't there, and somebody yells "I found it!"