webshite/applications submitted

Fri Mar 15 8:32:59 1996

A: satan's hat blocker

How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat?
A: Eating is only the first step of my plan to internalize the universe.

What is your biggest flaw?
A: I fall in love too easily

3 favorite authors
A: James Baldwin, Richard Adams, John Milton

What are the hallmarks of success in life?
A: immortality

What is your biggest mental fuck-up?
A: I do what I'm told to do

What is your favorite animal?
A: a crow
Describe it.
A: moody, but the folks like her

How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her?
A: a week or two
Jump her?
A: a month or three
Dump her?
A: a year or five

How old were you when you first kissed?
A: 19
Had sex
A: 20
Smoked Pot?
A: 22

Do you use recreational drugs?
A: Yes

A: pot, alcohol

A: 2:16 AM EST

A: Yes

Have you ever been married/lived with someone?
A: Married

Who worked?
A: we
Who cooked?
A: we but she was better at it
Who cleaned?
A: cleaned?

Do you know how to cook?
A: Yes

Do you like to cook?
A: Yes

What are the things you cook best?
A: anything from a box or wrapped in plastic

Have you ever used any of the following (which?): gel hairspray mousse cologne deodorant conditioner zitcream aftershave
A: mousse and deodorant, but I'll never be clean enough

What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent?
A: I filled a shopping cart with at least $500 worth of software and electronics at a local dept. store, pushed it to the front of the store, stuffed it into my backpack and walked out.
as a college student?
A: I got married and divorced
as a working stiff?
A: I stole a box of paperclips, the kind that look like spaceships

If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be?
A: a skinless grape
If I were, what would I be?
A: I hardly know you ma'am

If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do?
A: follow him into the bathroom and compare dick sizes

Do you think there is life after death?
A: No

On other planets?
A: Yes

Are you psychic?
A: No

Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane?
A: Yes

A: I've been in the same zip code if you get my meaning

Were you ever in the armed forces?
A: No

Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs?
A: No

What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years?
A: the steadicam

What is the biggest problem...

...all women have?
A: they can't take autonomy for granted

...all men have?
A: they take autonomy for granted

...with our society?
A: joan osborne

Which do you prefer:
A: Animals

A: a plant killed my brother

If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy?
A: four million quarters

The second?
A: ten million dimes

The last?
A: a hundred million pennies

Who has been the greatest influence in your life?
A: I haven't met her yet

How do people describe you?
A: a quiet fellow, kept to himself mostly

How do you describe yourself?
A: lord of the underworld, master of all I survey

Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers?
A: Yes

A: hotwired, feed, suck, traffic, nyw

What are your favorite shoes?
A: I don't rock filas, I only rock addidas

Additional Comments
A: how can you be so skinny and live SO fat?

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