webshite/applications submitted

Wed Apr 24 17:21:14 1996

A: John

A: databoy@sprynet.com

Home Page:
A: http://www.whitehouse.gov

Would you prefer your email be linked, unlinked, or anonymous?
A: I'd prefer it to be stapled to my face.

How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat?
A: Meat kind of grosses me out. I'm okay with it if it's ground up and unrecognizable, but when I realize that a week ago it had friends, I pretty much lose my appetite.

What is your biggest flaw?
A: Jeez, I'm WAY too generous for my own darned good!

3 favorite authors
A: Sogyal Rinpoche, Hunter Thompson, J.D. Salinger

What are the hallmarks of success in life?
A: Utterly stupifying amounts of material posessions. Fucking obscene consumption. And a staff, like butlers and shit.

What is your biggest mental fuck-up?
A: None. 'Ceptin that durned axe murderin' thing...

What is your favorite animal?
A: Sophie the Blunder Dog.
Describe it.
A: A reincarnated melange of Ghengis Khan, Grace Kelly and a Lycoming aircraft engine, all stuffed into a 50 lb dog.

How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her?
A: nanoseconds.
Jump her?
A: Depends on how tall she is... But, I guess if you're into that sort of thing..
Dump her?
A: Well, there's the drive out to the woods.... 'bout 45 minutes total I 'spose.

How old were you when you first kissed?
A: You mean, with somebody else?
Had sex
A: Again, with somebody else?
Smoked Pot?
A: Yeah, and this goddamned typing is getting really tough!

Do you use recreational drugs?
A: Yes

A: Bonk on the head with a big cartoon hammer.

A: Whenever I can...

A: Yes

Have you ever been married/lived with someone?
A: Cohabitated

Who worked?
A: Us
Who cooked?
A: ME (!!!!!!!)
Who cleaned?
A: Her

Do you know how to cook?
A: Yes

Do you like to cook?
A: Yes

What are the things you cook best?

Have you ever used any of the following (which?): gel hairspray mousse cologne deodorant conditioner zitcream aftershave
A: deodorant. Aftershave.

What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent?
A: Eluded the police for 30 minutes on a Suzuki GSXR750 at speeds in excess of 135 mph. Spent the evening in jail, lost my license for 42 months, eventually spent two weeks in the lockup and paid 5000 in fines and fees... (Top THAT!)
as a college student?
A: On the advice of counsel, on the ground that it may tend to incriminate me, I respectfully invoke my 5th amendment rights and decline to answer that question at this time. (Check abck in about 2 years when the statute runs out)
as a working stiff?
A: (Remotely) SysOp'd a BBS from my office at AT&T... Avoided certain capture and termination by the skin of my teeth. (Still employed and several promotions!)

If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be?
A: Mango
If I were, what would I be?
A: Parmesan cheese

If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do?
A: Totally flip out man! I'd slice 'em both the fuck up!

Do you think there is life after death?
A: Yes

On other planets?
A: Yes

Are you psychic?
A: No

Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane?
A: No

A: I'm unable to pull off the raving to myself on a street corner thing... I try and try, but it's just so forced....

Were you ever in the armed forces?
A: No

Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs?
A: Yes

What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years?
A: That thing in my fridge

What is the biggest problem...

...all women have?
A: A marked lack of me.

...all men have?
A: Thankfully, the same.

...with our society?
A: Endless fucking questions!

Which do you prefer:
A: Animals

A: Plants aren't nearly as cool in the car.

If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy?
A: Your love

The second?
A: Porsche 930 Turbo.. Black, with a white leather interior.

The last?
A: 16 year old filipino girl.

Who has been the greatest influence in your life?
A: Those goddamned voices

How do people describe you?
A: Cantankerous.... with a spastic colon and nodules on my benign

How do you describe yourself?
A: loudly, and in graphic detail. Sometimes I use a really high pitched voice too, or I do a little performance art thing to illustrate my angst.

Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers?
A: Yes

A: Spy, Hemmings Motor News, Rolling Stone, Teen Beat.

What are your favorite shoes?
A: HiTec Magnum 8 eye boots. Performance tactical footwear.

Additional Comments
A: Neener Neener Neener.

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