webshite/applications submitted

Wed Jun 5 8:03:23 1996

Name:
A: Oedipus Peret

Email:
A: look@the.sky

How do you FEEL about food? Why do you eat?
A: food is both fun and affordable. i eat dark crannies and cracks in the floor. i eat gambling debts, skirting boards, an excess of salt and whatever else comes to mind.

What is your biggest flaw?
A: the starfish mole on my lesser ventricle

3 favorite authors
A: Marquis de Sade, Georges Bataille, Milan Kundera

What are the hallmarks of success in life?
A: the cynosure of the universe, the scale of animals. the abdication of a reference system of human senses. an adequate flair for plagiarism.

What is your biggest mental fuck-up?
A: My brain

What is your favorite animal?
A: the patriot
Describe it.
A: sodomises the country without remorse.

How long do you usually know a girl before you kiss her?
A: 1 week
Jump her?
A: 2 weeks
Dump her?
A: she beats me to the punch, every time.

How old were you when you first kissed?
A: 17
Had sex
A: 19
Smoked Pot?
A: 16

Do you use recreational drugs?
A: Yes

What?
A: sun, pot

When?
A: daily

Still?
A: No

Have you ever been married/lived with someone?
A: Neither

Who worked?
A:
Who cooked?
A:
Who cleaned?
A:

Do you know how to cook?
A: Yes

Do you like to cook?
A: Yes

What are the things you cook best?
A: Priests

Have you ever used any of the following (which?): gel hairspray mousse cologne deodorant conditioner zitcream aftershave
A: deodorant, zitcream, aftershave

What was the most crazy thing you ever did as an adolescent?
A: at a prim garden party attended by nauseatingly polite and well-behaved guests, quaffed a bottle of rum, stood on a table, dropped trou and performed auto-erotic sex whilst chanting the name of my ex (in attendance). true story.
as a college student?
A: swore off drinking, took a vow of celibacy
as a working stiff?
A: the question answers itself

If you were a fruit or a vegetable, what would you be?
A: what kind of screwball question is that
If I were, what would I be?
A: see above

If you were at a party, and across the room you saw a very handsome man and your girlfriend chatting quite animatedly, what would you do?
A: usually i mutter "oh fuck. not again."

Do you think there is life after death?
A: Yes

On other planets?
A: Yes

Are you psychic?
A: No

Do you think you have any sort of understanding of what it would be like to completely insane?
A: Yes

Why?
A: Two members of my immediate family are clinicaly diagnosed as such.

Were you ever in the armed forces?
A: No

Did you ever kiss a girl who had big, hairsprayed bangs?
A: No

What was the most important scientific achievement in the last 50 years?
A: prozac

What is the biggest problem...

...all women have?
A: self-conscious about shit they should be proud of

...all men have?
A: eye contact

...with our society?
A: puritan morality, capitalist mentality, blah blah blah

Which do you prefer:
A: Plants

Why?
A: Good Question

If you won $1 million, what would be the very first thing you would buy?
A: no idea.

The second?
A:

The last?
A:

Who has been the greatest influence in your life?
A: TV

How do people describe you?
A: they linger over every detail.

How do you describe yourself?
A: a cultivated truculence. a necessary weasel.

Do you subscribe to any magazines/newspapers?
A: No

Which?
A:

What are your favorite shoes?
A: chucks, docs

Additional Comments
A: the author is not to be held liable for strains resulting from this or any related cascade of platitudes, persuant to the indefinite application of topical medication and etc.


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